Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
