My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
