New invention idea: vibrating tampons
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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