you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
