There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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