i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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