I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
