It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
