you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
