i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
