And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
