I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Even my vagina gasped.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
