I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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