remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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