Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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