Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
