just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
