Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
