I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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