Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
