I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
