Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
