hell yes lets make some ravioli
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize