that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
