Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
did i just pee glitter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
