Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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