I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
