What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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