but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
