My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
