You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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