i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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