You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
