Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
