dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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