I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
