my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found a bag of teeth...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
