he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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