No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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