proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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