Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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