what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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