Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
