i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
