No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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