Duck Duck Cougar?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
