How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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