Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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