I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize