My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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