I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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