So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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