the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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