I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
