my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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