omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize