how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
