I seem to have left my pride at pride
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
