I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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