He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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