Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
