He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
