One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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