I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
As shirtless as possible
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
