We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
