The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
