new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
