my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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