you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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