i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
