She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
