On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
