Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
