I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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