He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
