1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
