you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize