hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
