so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
