Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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