i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
