is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
