Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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