If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
