More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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