FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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