apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
