winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
