just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
