I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
