would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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