She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
