I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
