JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
