I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I faked an abortion last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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