all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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