He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
