Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i think my cat just said my name.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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