The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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