DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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