At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
