...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
